i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
