i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
