I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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