It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
