No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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