I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
