i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm just crazy horny about you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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