I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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