I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
