I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
