I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
