i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do vagina's smell?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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