I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
