you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
