You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
