Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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