i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
