I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
