Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
