I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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