My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is wine microwaveable?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
