Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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