I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
