Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
