I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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