I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
