I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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