Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
