It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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