This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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