Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
