Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
