Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
