i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
