I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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