The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
