I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
