probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
