I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
