I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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