Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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