so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
