he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
