I need help removing her.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
