so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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