Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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