Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
