There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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