Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
