Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
