can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
