his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
