I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
