i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
