umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
