i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
