Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
