So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
