First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
