Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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