Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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