3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
