he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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