I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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