On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm having to shit out rocks
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
