Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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