"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
