WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize