Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
