she woke up with a sticky ear
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
