the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
