weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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