My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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